Putting Down Some (New) Roots

The thing with any kind of journal is that if you don't keep it up, it's daunting when you finally want to update. I'll keep this in mind so that it's not 3 months in between entries. We had a nice end of the summer, and then I don't know what happened after that. Everything has kind of been a bit of a blur since school began at the end of August. Sofia started full-time Kindergarten and Adelaide began preschool 3 days per week. We squeezed in a short trip over Labor Day weekend to Toronto and a trip with friends to Lake Chautauqua, NY. And we did our annual heart walk.

 

                                                                 Lake Chautauqua

 

                                           

 

 

                                                                         Toronto

 

    

                                                                     Lake Erie

                                                            hanging out around home

 

                  

                                                       Heart Walk 2014

 

 

         

 

I've been surprised at what an adjustment it has been sending Sofia off to school (packing lunches, keeping up on all the paperwork sent from school, getting up earlier to drive her to avoid an hour bus ride, still getting up with Evelyn overnight, usually twice!, and the nightly homework, dinner, bath routines).  It's been a change to our schedules, but the results have been great.  She seems to love school and it keeps her very busy.  I can't believe how much her writing and reading have improved in the 2 months she's been at school.  She is reading so many books on her own and I'm very impressed with her progress.  She loves recess and the playground. 

 

              

                                                Sofia's first day of Kindergarten      

 

  

                                                         Adelaide is soo excited for Sofia!

 



Adelaide is such a little sponge.  She wants to do everything that Sofia is doing, and she can!  She is excited to pick up Sofia's books she brings home from school and read them.  She is very excited with news about Sofia's school day - Mom, Sofia was on PURPRLE today! (the Kindergarten color coded behavior chart) or Marissa shared her snack with Sofia!   Everything is very exciting to Adelaide and she wishes she was old enough to join her big sister at Kindergarten.  She is in preschool 3 mornings per week.  And this big girl is going to turn 4 in 2 weeks!  This girl is going to have to be kept busy in school.  She is a whirlwind.

 

Adelaide's first day of preschool

 

Evelyn is growing.  She is just over 6 months old and she is at a very cute stage.  She is sitting up unassisted now, with an occasional flop backwards.  She is a little thing (long and lean - 15 lb. 14 oz at her 6 month check up), but with chunky thighs.  She is a very sweet baby and likes to observe what's going on.  And there is a lot going on.  She has taken a step backward with her bedtime routine and is getting up twice a night.  It's catching up with me and I'm ready for her to take a few steps forward and start sleeping through the night again. 

 

   

                                                          I love this Hazel-eyed girl!

 

 

 

              Her sisters love "playing" with her - yes, these are underwear on her head. 

 

 

 

Maybe things will improve when we get into our new house and she is in her own room in her real crib (right now in the rental she's still in our bedroom in a cradle, which I think is not ideal at this point).  Yes, our NEW HOUSE!  I'm so excited.  I feel like it's Christmas and I can't wait 3 weeks until we close on it.  After many months of searching and waiting and trying to be patient and not settling, we have found a nice house in a great neighborhood in our desired location.  Somewhere we will live for a long, long time.  We sold our house in June, have been renting an apartment since then, and are so excited to be in our own place again.

 

here it is!  our new house

 

After our months in the apartment, 2200 sq. ft, 4 bedrooms, plus a finished basement sounds like a dream!  Not to mention a few other things that I love - ground floor laundry room, private backyard, and a fireplace.  Now I'm in heaven.  It has some cosmetic updating to do, but I'm up for a challenge and some design updates.  We should be in right before Thanksgiving.  PERFECT!   We literally had been stalking the market for months and when this one came up late on a Friday, I quickly contacted our realtor to see it.  We saw in Saturday late afternoon and by the time we put in our offer at 6 pm there was already another one submitted.  Couldn't believe it.  So the seller's realtor came back to both of us and told us to put your best offers in.  It was hard to come up with an amount that you'd be ok losing the house to, but also if you bought it made you feel like you didn't overspend.  We still offered several thousand less than the asking price because that's what we were comfortable with and I thought for sure we wouldn't get it.  We added a little personalized note to the seller and when we found out the next day that they accepted our offer (even though it was lower than the other bid!), we couldn't believe it.  Neither could the realtors.  We don't know what the other offer was, but I think it couldn't have been too much less than the other one.  Sentiment only goes so far.  These were the original owners of the home and I think they must have liked our note and that it was going to owners that would really appreciate it.

 



On to packing and being settled by the holidays!

 



 

Just love this picture of these little feet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Matters of the Heart

I'm in my 3rd week back to work after maternity leave.  It has actually been a pretty smooth transition returning to work.  Evelyn has been sleeping through the night since I came back and has made me a happy and functioning mom!  I still can't believe my maternity leave is actually over.  That was a fast 11 weeks.  I had great visions of doing a lot on my leave, but we were basically consumed by our move.  Makes me a little sad to think I won't have another maternity leave, but instead of guarding every minute of my vacation time for an upcoming maternity leave, I can use it freely and hopefully have some nice days with my family in the future.

So, it's has been hard to say it and even write it - 2 of my 3 children have been born with heart issues.  There, I said it.  I don't know why that is so hard to say.  Maybe it's because it makes it sound like it's something that was caused by either Oliver or me in our genes (which it may or may not be) or maybe it's because I worry about what other people think (don't pity us) or maybe it's because it just makes me sad.  However, I'm coming to terms with it.  And in the back of my head I've thought we won't be Team Sofia at the heart walk this year, but we'll be Team Curwen.  It's also a strange thing having one child that has a much more complicated history and one that hasn't.  I also am finding it hard to figure out what word I want to use when describing their heart... problems? disease? issues?  defects?   I think it matters to me because I don't want my kids growing up believing there is something wrong with them.  Those words imply that they're less than perfect, and let's face it, these kids are pretty darn perfect in my eyes.  I have asthsma.  I don't say that I have a lung defect.  Why can't I just say they have heart?  :)  Saying they have pulmonary stenosis or tricuspid atresia sounds like a mouthful.  Do other heart moms feel like this?  I'm probably overthinking this, but it's bugging me.  There is something different about their hearts and it's not the way I would have wanted it for them, but I struggle with it because their heart is a part of them but it's not all of them.  On a daily basis, we aren't consumed by their heart issues.  They are typical kids.  Probably everyone who knows us already knows that Sofia is a normal and happy kid, but I'm protective of her and how she and others will handle her heart issues as she grows.  It's something that they'll always see a specialist for, but it's something they have, not something that has them.  Maybe I'm just ready for my mind not to think about their hearts all the time.  I'm going to try this.  But first, I have to update about Adelaide...

In light of her family history we felt we needed to have Adelaide checked out.  I had 2 fetal echos when I was pregnant with Adelaide, and that had always been enough in my eyes that she was heart healthy, but I also had one when I was pregnant with Evelyn.  And fiesty Adelaide has a history of passing out after holding her breath when she gets hurt, which has always made me want to have her checked out anyway.  So, it was time.  And she is completely heart healthy.  Breathed a big sigh of relief after and EKG and echo revealed normal heart.  I don't know what we'd do without Dr. Edwards, who has been with us since day 1 with Sofia and has truly been so good to our family.  I'm grateful we have someone to answer our questions anytime and who I believe really cares for our children.  As for having 2 children with heart problems, it is of interest medically that Sofia and Eveyln have right sided heart issues.  Does that mean they're linked?  Maybe or maybe not.  If we really want to know, we have to wait for technology to catch up a little and for price of testing to come down and have genomes mapped, or something that is totally foreign to me.  The why probably doesn't matter right now.  We weren't planning on having more children and it may lead to complicated feelings about things.  It may matter for Sofia and Evelyn if they want to have children someday. 

We are still hanging out in our rental until we find a house.  We have two potential new houses we're looking at today and tomorrow.  I'm hoping one of them feels like it's our home and we buy something soon.  The girls don't seem to mind, but I'm wanting to feel more settled.  My hope is that we are moved in by the holidays and can spend our first Thanksgiving or Christmas in our home as a 5some.

I'd like to do a few things before summer ends and school begins:  1- taking the girls to the drive in.  We had so much fun doing that with friends and cousins last year.  2- Going to Toronto.  We are waiting on Evelyn's passport and then will take a trip there.  3- Do some projects.  I've made a few things and have the need to build and craft again.  I'll get some pictures posted soon of some projects I've done.  Can't wait to have a house to decorate!

Summertime

Ahhh, I'm sitting with the laptop on the couch.  This is an accomplishment, as I usually have a baby in my arms or at the boob.  And I'm usually jugging the iPad or the phone which are not nearly as easy to type on.  We'll see how long this lasts and if I can actually finish an entry.  It is 8 o'clock, which has been known as her fussy hour.  Presently though she's swinging away sleeping peacefully.

And I'm typing from our apartment.  Yep, our apartment.  We sold our house!  Eek.  We sold our house.  This is also an accomplishment since we had a bit of a rollercoaster ride to get there.  We have been in our new place for about a two weeks now.  Please remind me -after we are moved again into a new house- how hellacious this move was.  I never want to do it again.  We haven't found a new house yet, so we're temporarily renting an apartment.  It was kind of interesting to go from house to apartment.  And by interesting I really mean scary, exciting, stressful, adventurous.  It is 3 bedrooms and a good size for an apartment, and we had done what I thought was an admirable job of downsizing and purging "stuff," but we still had a lot.  We were able to store some things off site and didn't move everything into the new place.  I'm trying not to open all the boxes here and unpack as we hope to only be here 6 months max.  It was a strange feeling when we saw someone else with a U-Haul truck in "our" driveway unpacking.  I've driven by as we still have friends in the neighborhood and Emily lives just on the other side of the development, and I feel a bit like I'm stalking an ex-boyfriend or something!  It's not my place anymore, but it was for nearly 8 years.  What has helped me feel better about this whole thing is how well the girls are taking the move.  I thought they'd miss the house, but surprisingly they've hardly mentioned it.  If they were begging to go home, it'd pull at my heartstrings.  The only time I felt emotional about the move was when I stood in their empty bedroom for the first time.  We started and completed our family in this home.  Brought all our tiny babies home to this home.  But we are ready to move on and find that next new place that hopefully will be our forever home and the ones the girls really call home. 

I'm wrapping up my maternity leave.  Work has been way at the back of my mind because of how much we have going on.  Emily went back to work a week and a half ago and I lost my maternity leave buddy.  And one of my close work friends is leaving for a new job before I return, which has made me not want to think about work either.  Things had finally settled down enough that I was able to stop in at work today and introduce my coworkers to Evelyn.  It felt easy.  I don't think I'll have a problem going back in 2.5 weeks.  I do have some of the greatest coworkers that will make this easy for me.  Let's just hope Evelyn makes this easy for me.  She is, of course, very attached to me.  And I to her.  She has been sleeping about 5 hour stretches at night.  Some nights are better than others. 

Uh oh.  Baby awake and fussing.  She's now laying on me - not sure how long this will last.  I wanted to lastly update on Sofia and Evelyn's cardiology appointment.  I took them both solo the week of the move.  Dr. Edwards listened to both of them.  He said Evelyn's murmur was soft and he wouldn't expect the gradient across her pulmonary valve to be over 20 mmHg.  It was 12-14 at her initial appointment in April.  It was expected to rise a little, for reasons I can't seem to really remember - I think it was as her pulmonary pressures stabilized in her newborn period.  Anyway, an echo was done and it was measured at about 20-25, which is still categorized as trivial/mild.  It will be important where she is at 6 months as it's likely that where she is there is probably where she will stay.  If it's still mild, she will probably not ever need intervention.  We will hope and pray until then that this is the case.  She is such a loveable baby and she is changing daily.  At 2 months she is 11.5 lbs.  That is 60th percentile for weight and she's 97th percentile for length.  She's going to be a tall drink of water.  She is now 9.5 weeks old and she's interacting so much more now.  Smiling and cooing.  Very cute.  Just in time for me to leave in a few weeks and go back to work.  Boo. 

Sofia also had an echo.  It is always tricky with her anatomy to see all everything really well, but things appeared to look good.  We talked about doing a sedated MRI sometime in the future.  Not in any hurry, but an eventual thing.  At about 10 years old is when they wouldn't need to be under general anesthesia, but before then it's very hard for a child to be completely still for 45 minutes.  And he would like to have one before she's 10, so she'll have to be out for it.  Again, no hurry, but it'll be another tool that would likely produce better images than echo.  She has done better with the regulating of Coumadin over the past few blood draws.  Hopefully that is a trend that will continue.   She has been so active, especially with the weather being nicer that we've seen more bruising on her "summer legs."  She and Adelaide are both taking swim lessons this summer and it is a sport I hope to see her continue because it's good for her body.  She is such a little fish in the water.

I can't believe how grown up Sofia and Adelaide are becoming.  Sofia is 5 1/2 and is going to kindergarten in August.  We chose a school, St. Gabriel's, and I'm really excited to see her start school.  Also, can't really believe she's going to school.  My baby!  And Adelaide.  It is so much fun to watch this girl.  She is a ball of energy and sass.  She is so smart and is growing up so quickly. 

Ok, baby is really fussing now and it's taken me about an hour to write a paragraph.  So more updates and more pictures hopefully in the near future!

 

goodbye house!

 

 

 

She's Here!

Post disclaimer:  this is going to be long, detailed, photo-filled, and from the heart.


Baby is here!  She made a sort of dramatic entrance into the world and I'm going to try to sum up the events of the week of her birth.


My due date was Sun., April 13th.  At my doctor's appointment on Monday the 7th, my doctor asked if I wanted to be induced on Sat. the 12th.  I agreed to that.  I had 2 successful inductions before, and was ready for this baby to be born.  I was concerned she was getting big, despite the doctor's estimate that the baby appeared to be average size.  I was induced with Adelaide 5 days early and she was 8 lb. 8 oz.  I didn't want to give birth to a 9+ pound baby, so I was ok with the Saturday deadline.  I was also still only 1 cm on Monday so it didn't look like it was coming any time soon.


On Tues. April 8th, Oliver and I had a parent orientation for Sofia's kindergarten at St. Gabriel's.  I didn't expect making it to the event, so I asked for the paperwork to be mailed.  But, as it turns out, I was still pregnant on Tues. so we asked my parents to babysit and planned on attending the orientation.  They were going to come to our house to babysit, but at the last minute we drove them out to their house because we also got a showing request for our house, which is still on the market.  Literally, as I was leaving their house, I stumbled out the front door, twisted my ankle and kind of fell on my right side.  I knew I hadn't hurt myself, but I called the doctor and she said I should come in to the hospital and be monitored to make sure there wasn't any damage to the placenta.  So no kindergarten orientation after all.  Instead we spent an uneventful few hours at Lake West being monitored.  I was hoping maybe a little that she ould just tell me to stay because I was in labor or they'd induce me, but I left knowing I'd be back on Saturday for my scheduled induction.


Well, I didn't even make it a few more days without another visit to the hospital.  On Thursday at work I had contractions all day and they were about 8 minutes apart.  I had planned to make Friday my last day of work.  The contractions weren't painful, so I knew it wasn't anything exciting yet.  On Thurs. night we went to my friend Jessica's house, for a final visit before she moved to Columbus on Saturday.  Oliver and the girls came and a few other friends and we ate pizza and hung out.  I was starting to have contractions more frequently, and at Jess's urging. timed them for an hour.  They were about every 5 minutes now, but still not painful.  I called the doctor when got home at about 8:30 and talked to Dr. Boes, who said that it sounded like I should come in. 


So my mom packed her bags and came over to watch the girls while Oliver and I went up to Lake West again.  I was still only 1-2 cms.  Dr. Boes suggested I get up and walk around a bit and see if anything was going to pick up.  After walking the halls and hanging out for awhile, we were given the choice of being induced or going home and coming back on Saturday and having my scheduled induction with my doctor.  I was having contractions every 3 minutes, they just weren't really doing anything yet.  We decided to go home because I was still only 1-2cms after a few hours.  The thought of starting Pitocin at midnight and a night of labor with a baby arriving in the early hours of the next morning didn't sound like what I wanted to do.  So we went home and I was able to sleep a few hours that night. 


I called in to work and said I was starting my leave as of Friday and on Friday morning, Oliver took the girls to preschool and I pretty much hung out on the couch.  My sister Kate had come up from Columbus, so she and Emily came over to keep me company.  I just felt bad on Friday.  Every time I got up and moved around, my stomach hurt.  I was able to nap a little, but in the evening things started to pick up.  My mother-in-law arrived from Toronto at about 4ish and that seems to have been the turning point.  I was more uncomfortable and the contractions seemed to be a little stronger, although it was hard to tell.  We ate dinner at around 7.  My brother Chris stopped over to pick up something at about 9 and by then I had pretty much resigned myself to going back to the hospital.  Oliver and I kissed the girls goodnight and drove to Lake West at about 9:30.  By the time we were driving it, they were definitely getting painful.  We were admitted through the ER for the second time in 2 nights and wheeled to the labor and delivery floor. 


Dr. Boes was still the doctor on call and she checked me and I was about 2-3 cms and 90% effaced.  I thought for sure all those contractions all day would have done something more, but I was still convinced this was it and was not going anywhere this time.  I begged for my epidural at around 11 because the pain was getting intolerable, but had to wait almost to midnight to get it because they wanted to get some IV fluids in me.  I was about 5 cms when I got the epidural.  I never had any Pitocin, and this is the first time I went into labor on my own.  They didn't let Oliver stay during the epidural.  I felt much better after I got it and the doctor said I could probably get a few hours of rest in now that I was more comfortable. 


After about 15 or 20 minutes after getting the epidural, the nurses came back in and said the baby's heart rate was decelerating after my contractions and they wanted me to change positions.  This was definitely the strongest of the 3 epidurals I've had and couldn't feel my legs much at all.  They rolled me from side to side to get the best position.  They gave me some oxygen.  Oliver was still gone from being kicked out during the epidural.  I started to feel a little nauseous, also something I've never experienced during labor.  I thought maybe we could call Oliver to see where he was, but he had left his phone in the room.   Dr. Boes came in and watched what was going on.  She put on a fetal scalp monitor to watch the heart rate better.  There was also talk about my blood pressure being low, also a side effect of an epidural.  I think one of the nurses mentioned epinephrine at one point, but was never given any.  It did make me worried about what was going on though.  After a little while, they seemed to be satisfied that the baby was now cooperating, and left me alone again.


Oliver returned and had told me that he had tried to come back a few times, but the door was closed so he didn't think that things were done with the epidural.  After probably another 15 minutes, the nurses were back in with talk again about the baby's heart rate.  Things happened very quickly from this point.  It was about 1 AM at this point.  The nurses were all busy looking, asked the doctor to be paged, and Dr. Boes was back in quickly.  She was very calm, but by the way the nurses were rushing around I knew that this wasn't really the way things should be going.  The one nurse had mentioned that maybe the cord was wrapped around the baby.  I realized they were setting up all things for the baby - the little isolette and warmer, the tray of instruments, and I was getting increasingly nervous.  I was 7-8 cms, so I wasn't ready to have this baby yet, but I could tell something was going on.  Dr. Boes then said she could stretch my cervix to 9 cms and I would have to push over the remaining cervix.  She started asking me questions like how big my girls were and did they think this baby was big and how long it took to push out the girls.  At this point I remember thinking that she's probably trying to figure out how much time is needed to get the baby out and all I kept thinking is that if I was going to end up in a C-section that I hoped they had time to numb me more than the epidural.  Once I started pushing, it was very nerve wracking because I could hear the beeping of the heart rate and after the pushing you could hear it slow down.  I looked at one point and saw that it was in the 80s where it had been in the 130s.  Thankfully, it took 20 minutes to push her out and she was born at 1:47 AM.  She was posterior ("sunnyside up" face up instead of face down) just like Sofia and Adelaide were.  They declared, "it's a girl!" and then quickly placed her on me and then scooped her right up and had her checked out.  Her APGARs were good and she wasn't in distress.  I wanted to see her as the nurses were talking about strawberry blond hair! 

It was exhausting and definitely the most dramatic of the 3 deliveries, but everything turned out well and she is a perfect little baby.  At 7 lb. and 11 oz. and 20.5 in. she was the littlest of my 3.  She was not going to wait until her induction to be born. Sofia and Adelaide were the first family to see her.  They got there at 9 in the morning on Sunday and the took on their faces when they saw her and learned she was a girl were ones I'll always remember.  They loved her instantly.  So much love that I fear for her safety on a daily basis! - they want to hug and kiss her all the time.

It took us a day to come up with a middle name, but knew from birth that her name is Evelyn, Hebrew for "life."

Welcome, Evelyn Audrey!  You are definitely an amazing addition to our lives.

She had a heart murmur for the 3 days we were in the hospital and at discharge the pediatrician said we could do an echo because of Sofia's history, but he believed it just to be a PDA (the vessel that is supposed to close off after birth was probably still open).  Her pulse ox and blood pressure we both normal.  We chose to have the echo done at the Cleveland Clinic on Monday when she was discharged.  Dr. Edwards, Sofia's cardiologist, squeezed us in and we went right from Lake West to Hillcrest.  After examining her and her vitals, he didn't think she really needed an echo but left it up to us. We decided to have one done for peace of mind.


After the echo, Dr. Edwards explained that she does have a PDA and FPO (not really uncommon for infants), but that she has a little narrowing of her pulmonary valve.  Pulmonary valve stenosis is when the valve is a little thicker than normal.  If very thick, the blood flow across the valve can be obstructed and cause insufficient blood delivery from the right ventricle to the pulmonary artery.  The resistance of blood across the valve is measured in an echo and the gradient is in units mmHG.  Up to 10 mmHG is within a normal range, and Evelyn's was 12-14, and categorized as trivial.  Mild is about 30 mmHG and can range up to critical of 70 or 80 mmHG, which would require intervention.  Dr. Edwards said worst case scenario is a balloon valvuloplasty through a cath.  He doesn't think she will progress to that though.  He said that he used to not believe this early in his career, but he has seen kids with gradients of 40s or 50s that have gone back into normal range and that is definitely possible for Evelyn.  From talking with him and doing some reading on my own, it seems that once she is about 6 months old or so her numbers will level off.  Cases that are mild at that point tend to stay mild and usually don't progress.  She probably will not need any intervention.  Of course, we were pretty shocked by all this and I spent a day or so being pretty upset about it.  Thank goodness I have best friends and best friend sisters that let me cry it out and talk it out until it's ok.  I was reeled back in and realized we have a healthy, perfect baby.  She will be fine.  We will hope that her gradient goes back into normal range, but if not hope that it stays mild.  Problems with the pulmonary valve can be hereditary I also read, which could explain why Sofia and Evelyn both have issues with the pulmonary valve, however, we don't know where it came from.  Sofia's heart problems aren't genetic, meaning she doesn't have a genetic disorder with known heart-related problems, but that doesn't mean the two aren't related.  It is also impossible to say that they are definitely connected.  Dr. Edwards is always good with us, spelling things out and answering questions, emailing us and calling us to see how things are going.  This man is not allowed to retire!  He will see her in June to follow up with her and see how's she's doing.


We love this little baby so much and are settling into a routine here.  Of course, the nights are difficult.  She's pretty much up every 2 hours to eat and she doesn't like to settle down before 1 AM or so.  Breastfeeding is never a walk in the park for me, so it's been difficult.  I know that if I hang on, it'll get easier.  She is so sweet.  She is a perfect mix of Sofia's delicate features and Adelaide's coloring.  It's heart warming that one minute she's crying and frantic and I can pick her up and she lays her head down on my chest and will settle down.  I am glad to be adjusting to life with 3 girls and we have kept busy.  She will be two weeks old tomorrow.  Welcome to the world, Evelyn!  You complete our family.

We even had time to get some professional pictures taken this week by my talented friend Lorelei.  She did an amazing job and I love how the weather cooperated! 

3 years, 4 mos, and 22 days

It dawned on me recently that Adelaide is almost the same age as Sofia was when she had her Fontan surgery.  Then, for some reason, I calculated it out and on March 28th Adelaide will be exactly that age.  Sofia's surgery was almost 2 years ago, which really feels like a long time ago.  I am grateful for that-  that it feels like a long time ago, which means things have been stable.

Sofia has really grown up since her surgery too.  She is not the toddler she was when she had the surgery.  What a difference 2 years makes.  I don't think she really remembers being the hospital much, which is a relief.  When I look at Adelaide, now being the same age Sofia was, I can  remember what it was like to have a small child go through something as big as heart surgery.   Although Adelaide seems to be growing up very fast too, sometimes I look at her and still see the chubby-faced baby she was.  I don't want to relive the feelings of putting a child of any age through surgery again, and definitely not a toddler.  At 3 they're so little, so innocent, and they definitely can't understand why they're feeling bad and why they have to stay in the hospital.  That was one of the things that I found so difficult to manage - the feeling of sadness in her and the lack of answers that I wanted to give her for her unspoken questions:  when will she feel better? when will she get to go home?  why is this happening?

Having experienced this with a toddler and knowing how unfair things can be, it makes recent events particularly hard right now.  I know one family who just lost their 2 year old boy after waiting for a new heart for several weeks.  It felt like my heart literally broke in two when I found out that Weston was gone.  The ache I feel for his mom is just overwhelming.  To hear that he was feeling sad in his last days makes me think how much it must have been unbearable for his parents to endure.  And to try to explain him being gone, well there is no explanation.  Nothing will be the same for her again, and nothing can take away the grief.  It's a place my own mind has wandered to, but one that my mind couldn't really ever let myself actually imagine because it is just truly unimagineable.  And another family we know is waiting to see if their 4 year old is going to be listed for a transplant due to recent and sudden heart failure.  Impossible to really know what that feels like either.  I do know it would be utterly terrifying and has had me on high alert.  Sofia has been doing so well, however, we know she has a chronic condition that we are always going to up against.  As a parent, you like to think you're a step ahead of arising problems because you're on top of things and you're so involved in your child's care, but I have seen how things can change in an instant.  Things out of your control.  Things that happen to families even when they've done everything right.  I have definitely been counting our blessings these last few weeks and praying for these families who are hurting.

Speaking of blessings, we are quickly approaching the arrival of #3, which brings me much happiness and excitement.  It is only a matter of a couple short weeks and the anticipation is permeating my days.  I am ready for this.  The girls are excited to meet "our baby."  I am ready to experience this again and have another baby to love and meet this new addition to our family.  The girls ask me almost daily now if the baby is going to be born soon.  It will be soon!  Here we go!!

Adelaide and cousin Amelia

Sofia and cousin Camryn

Grandma and her entourage (minus 2)

Life

... has been good.

We are busily preparing for our new arrival in April.  Only a few weeks left!  Emily and T.J. had a baby girl last weekend, so that makes 7 granddaughters for my parents.  0 grandsons.  Charlotte is a little beauty and so happy for Em and T.J. and big sister Amelia.  It was nice to be there at the hospital and hold this sweet niece.  It also got me thinking that I don't have much time left!  It's been 3 1/2 years since I've had a newborn.  It may seem like that's not really a long time, but for me it's like I've forgotton everything!  Can't wait to have this baby in my arms and see what it is.  Gender is still unknown, which is what we wanted.   But now I feel ready to find out!  The girls are getting very excited - it must seem like an eternity to them.

We still have our house listed for sale...not much action there.  I feel like I can't focus on selling a house and having a baby at the same time because they are definitely things that in my mind don't go  together!  We are in the process of figuring out where Sofia will be starting Kingergarten in the fall.  If we're still in our house, then she will be going to one of two private schools.  It feels like there is a lot up in the air right now.  At least we have lots of options and I'm sure that whatever happens will be fine. 

Sofia and Adelaide are now sharing a room and Adelaide has done really well in her "big girl bed."  We built their beds this summer, but Adelaide was doing so well still in her crib in her room that we let her stay in it.  However, with baby coming, she's kind of gotten evicted from her room, but she and Sofia are doing really well together and the bedtime routine has actually really improved!  They are doing really well sharing a room and I couldn't be happier that they're actually going to sleep at night without getting out of their beds.

So I figured I'd neutralize Adelaide's old room and convert it back to a nusery. I love th way the baby's room turned out.  Very sweet.  Thanks Pinterest for all the crafty ideas.  Now it is ready for a little occupant!

 

 

I am planning to work up until the date I deliver, so I know it'll be a busy, but probably exhausting few weeks.  I am really looking forward to a spring/summer maternity leave.  Sofia and Adelaide both were born in the winter and I felt like cabin fever was difficult to deal with.  The snow can't melt fast enough for me, and what a winter it has been this year!  Thankfully, everyone has stayed healthy and I can't complain.  Sofia has frequent blood draws to check her INR as she's on coumadin, but we've managed.  She is doing really well health wise and I am very grateful for that! 

enjoying dance class

baby Charlotte

loving the Olympics

 

sweet girl Sofia