Sofia has really grown up since her surgery too. She is not the toddler she was when she had the surgery. What a difference 2 years makes. I don't think she really remembers being the hospital much, which is a relief. When I look at Adelaide, now being the same age Sofia was, I can remember what it was like to have a small child go through something as big as heart surgery. Although Adelaide seems to be growing up very fast too, sometimes I look at her and still see the chubby-faced baby she was. I don't want to relive the feelings of putting a child of any age through surgery again, and definitely not a toddler. At 3 they're so little, so innocent, and they definitely can't understand why they're feeling bad and why they have to stay in the hospital. That was one of the things that I found so difficult to manage - the feeling of sadness in her and the lack of answers that I wanted to give her for her unspoken questions: when will she feel better? when will she get to go home? why is this happening?
Having experienced this with a toddler and knowing how unfair things can be, it makes recent events particularly hard right now. I know one family who just lost their 2 year old boy after waiting for a new heart for several weeks. It felt like my heart literally broke in two when I found out that Weston was gone. The ache I feel for his mom is just overwhelming. To hear that he was feeling sad in his last days makes me think how much it must have been unbearable for his parents to endure. And to try to explain him being gone, well there is no explanation. Nothing will be the same for her again, and nothing can take away the grief. It's a place my own mind has wandered to, but one that my mind couldn't really ever let myself actually imagine because it is just truly unimagineable. And another family we know is waiting to see if their 4 year old is going to be listed for a transplant due to recent and sudden heart failure. Impossible to really know what that feels like either. I do know it would be utterly terrifying and has had me on high alert. Sofia has been doing so well, however, we know she has a chronic condition that we are always going to up against. As a parent, you like to think you're a step ahead of arising problems because you're on top of things and you're so involved in your child's care, but I have seen how things can change in an instant. Things out of your control. Things that happen to families even when they've done everything right. I have definitely been counting our blessings these last few weeks and praying for these families who are hurting.
Speaking of blessings, we are quickly approaching the arrival of #3, which brings me much happiness and excitement. It is only a matter of a couple short weeks and the anticipation is permeating my days. I am ready for this. The girls are excited to meet "our baby." I am ready to experience this again and have another baby to love and meet this new addition to our family. The girls ask me almost daily now if the baby is going to be born soon. It will be soon! Here we go!!
Adelaide and cousin Amelia
Sofia and cousin Camryn
Grandma and her entourage (minus 2)
