I'm in my 3rd week back to work after maternity leave. It has actually been a pretty smooth transition returning to work. Evelyn has been sleeping through the night since I came back and has made me a happy and functioning mom! I still can't believe my maternity leave is actually over. That was a fast 11 weeks. I had great visions of doing a lot on my leave, but we were basically consumed by our move. Makes me a little sad to think I won't have another maternity leave, but instead of guarding every minute of my vacation time for an upcoming maternity leave, I can use it freely and hopefully have some nice days with my family in the future.
So, it's has been hard to say it and even write it - 2 of my 3 children have been born with heart issues. There, I said it. I don't know why that is so hard to say. Maybe it's because it makes it sound like it's something that was caused by either Oliver or me in our genes (which it may or may not be) or maybe it's because I worry about what other people think (don't pity us) or maybe it's because it just makes me sad. However, I'm coming to terms with it. And in the back of my head I've thought we won't be Team Sofia at the heart walk this year, but we'll be Team Curwen. It's also a strange thing having one child that has a much more complicated history and one that hasn't. I also am finding it hard to figure out what word I want to use when describing their heart... problems? disease? issues? defects? I think it matters to me because I don't want my kids growing up believing there is something wrong with them. Those words imply that they're less than perfect, and let's face it, these kids are pretty darn perfect in my eyes. I have asthsma. I don't say that I have a lung defect. Why can't I just say they have heart? :) Saying they have pulmonary stenosis or tricuspid atresia sounds like a mouthful. Do other heart moms feel like this? I'm probably overthinking this, but it's bugging me. There is something different about their hearts and it's not the way I would have wanted it for them, but I struggle with it because their heart is a part of them but it's not all of them. On a daily basis, we aren't consumed by their heart issues. They are typical kids. Probably everyone who knows us already knows that Sofia is a normal and happy kid, but I'm protective of her and how she and others will handle her heart issues as she grows. It's something that they'll always see a specialist for, but it's something they have, not something that has them. Maybe I'm just ready for my mind not to think about their hearts all the time. I'm going to try this. But first, I have to update about Adelaide...
In light of her family history we felt we needed to have Adelaide checked out. I had 2 fetal echos when I was pregnant with Adelaide, and that had always been enough in my eyes that she was heart healthy, but I also had one when I was pregnant with Evelyn. And fiesty Adelaide has a history of passing out after holding her breath when she gets hurt, which has always made me want to have her checked out anyway. So, it was time. And she is completely heart healthy. Breathed a big sigh of relief after and EKG and echo revealed normal heart. I don't know what we'd do without Dr. Edwards, who has been with us since day 1 with Sofia and has truly been so good to our family. I'm grateful we have someone to answer our questions anytime and who I believe really cares for our children. As for having 2 children with heart problems, it is of interest medically that Sofia and Eveyln have right sided heart issues. Does that mean they're linked? Maybe or maybe not. If we really want to know, we have to wait for technology to catch up a little and for price of testing to come down and have genomes mapped, or something that is totally foreign to me. The why probably doesn't matter right now. We weren't planning on having more children and it may lead to complicated feelings about things. It may matter for Sofia and Evelyn if they want to have children someday.
We are still hanging out in our rental until we find a house. We have two potential new houses we're looking at today and tomorrow. I'm hoping one of them feels like it's our home and we buy something soon. The girls don't seem to mind, but I'm wanting to feel more settled. My hope is that we are moved in by the holidays and can spend our first Thanksgiving or Christmas in our home as a 5some.
I'd like to do a few things before summer ends and school begins: 1- taking the girls to the drive in. We had so much fun doing that with friends and cousins last year. 2- Going to Toronto. We are waiting on Evelyn's passport and then will take a trip there. 3- Do some projects. I've made a few things and have the need to build and craft again. I'll get some pictures posted soon of some projects I've done. Can't wait to have a house to decorate!
